


They Always Have a Story

by FluffyHeretic



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: Gen, Hatoful Boyfriend Ship Week 2018, M/M, Prompt fill: Stars, hey yall in the mood for some uhhhhhhh sad?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 15:49:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15975515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyHeretic/pseuds/FluffyHeretic
Summary: Sometimes Shuu needs to see the sky.





	They Always Have a Story

Shuu knew why he was on the roof of his apartment building, but upon getting up there, he was struck by the sense that it was an accident. Like he had been wandering and just sort of… ended up there, somehow. But it was where he had been intending to go the whole time, right?

Maybe it was just because he was feeling particularly lost at the moment. Physically, mentally… just generally, in life.

He felt wobbly all of a sudden and decided he needed to sit. He groused under his breath at how his body ached as he got down onto the cement, but at least he was out of the wind. It was particularly biting this late at night, and his face and hands were already starting to sting.

Then he slowly lowered himself onto his back, where he shifted a bit uncomfortably. This was far from a cozy spot, and he was immediately sure that his back was going to kill him later.

But despite his physical pains, he found his mental state begin to relax now that he was looking up at the stars.

_“Hey Isa-kun, do you know what stars are made of?”_

Shuu breathed slowly through his nose. Numerous memories from his time in the lab stuck to him like glue, made immeasurably more valuable after…

He let out a deep sigh. It didn’t really feel like it put a dent in easing his stress, but it was better than nothing.

“Hydrogen and helium, correct?” he muttered under his breath.

_“Not just that! Nitrogen, carbon, metal, and the souls of birds whose names have returned to the skies!”_

He remembered that those words were said, but he couldn’t recall exactly what they sounded like when he heard them. He wished he could. He wondered how much else he would forget, no matter how hard he tried to prevent it, and had to close his eyes and take a few more slow breaths to keep his composure. He didn’t want to forget. That would be a failure.

He could remember all the hundreds facts and figures he had learned in his years of study, but he didn’t care about any of it. He’d gladly let it all slip away if it meant keeping every minute detail of the memories that actually mattered.

After a few seconds, he opened his eyes again, looking at the stars.

“The souls… of birds…” he said to himself mindlessly, and realized a moment later that he was still following along with the memory. Then he went off-script, grinning ruefully as he said, “What a load of bullshit.”

Shuu didn’t believe it for a second. He was a man of science. How _could_ he believe something so unfounded and fantastical like that? It frustrated him endlessly that Dr. Kawara, whose intelligence Shuu respected so much, would go around saying things like that as if they were actually true.

But after all these years, he still remembered that night. And he still came up to this rooftop, and he still looked up at the stars, and he still felt a small droplet of relief floating around amidst the faint, numbed pain.

Being up here with the stars made him feel closer to Dr. Kawara, and that, at least, was real.

And maybe part of him wanted to believe. It was a romantic thought, wasn't it? The notion of deceased loved ones watching over you, guiding you.

But no, now that he thought of it, Shuu hoped Dr. Kawara wasn’t watching him. He hoped he wasn’t having to witness the person that Isa Souma had become. Shuu himself sometimes felt pained when he had a moment of self-awareness and realized it for himself. Isa Souma had had so many paths to go on that wasn’t… _this._

And yet here he was.

But it was necessary, right? It was all necessary. He repeated that to himself a few more times to ground himself. He couldn’t afford to back out, not now. This was all he had left. Nothing else mattered - nothing else _could_ matter.

His eyes scanned the stars slowly. What was he looking for? The one that was supposed to be Dr. Kawara? That was stupid. The sky looked the same as it did all those years ago and it would continue to do so, no matter how many people died.

Shuu’s search only became all the more fruitless when his eyes blurred too much to be able to see. He rolled onto his side, took off his glasses, and pressed his face into his elbow. He stayed still like that for a minute, doing his best to control his breathing again, but it was hard.

Everything was too hard.

No, he could do this. He had to do this. Emotions were not something he could ever afford, especially not now. He shouldn’t have even gone up here. He had work to do. He always had work to do.

He put his glasses back on and pushed himself back onto his feet, wincing at how sore he was. What was the point in coming up here? He didn’t know. He didn’t understand.

He didn’t understand anything at all.


End file.
